Facets Of The Innocent
by TobyMatt
Summary: Set in Cordy's Birthday!verse; backstory to what we saw in the episode 'Birthday'.


Angel goes to L.A. He's not sure why he chooses L.A. in particular. Guesses it just seems right, it being the City of Angels. Sometimes, he likes to think he's destined to go there. Like it called to him, pulled at him like blood. Other times he thinks it was the worst mistake of his life. But now he's stuck here, trying to get drunk but failing miserably. And when he notices the vampires, it only seems natural to follow them. To save the girl. It's what he does. And when he finally gets home, the pale ramshackle place he calls home nowadays, he's only moderately surprised by the half demon. He thinks that the Powers That Be, as Doyle so aptly calls them, are simply seeing how far they can push him.  
  
He isn't surprised when Doyle tells him to go help Tina, not really. He is surprised whenever he can't. He doesn't save the girl. He fails. Then he figures the Powers planned this as well.  
  
Damn them.

Seemingly miserable with the state of affairs, Doyle heads to his place of employ, if earning money on the off chance someone's feeling generous can be called employ. The cool dusk air leaves him as he opens the door to the office, the warmer air a gentle breath as he looks for his wayward boss. When he finds Angel sitting on the couch, staring into space there is no surprise. Lately, every time Doyle finds him he's like this.  
  
"Come on, Angel. There's more to life then the big brooding. You're always holed up in this place. It isn't good for you man. I had a cousin once, he did the same thing. Well, let's just say we never saw him again. Let that be a lesson to you."  
  
Doyle starts his daily speech about Angel's recluse state. It doesn't really bother Angel, he's heard it all before. He's used to it by now, tuning it out. He figures he has no right to enjoy the world. He's caused too much pain and suffering for it to forgive him yet.  
  
"We've been through this before Doyle. I don't do the getting out thing. I'm a vampire, vampires don't mingle." He says, going on automatic, relying on habitual words.  
  
"You're not a vampire, you're a hermit. Face it Angel, you're losing touch with the world. I tried to tell you about it before, you acted like you were listening. Instead, you went right back to your old ways. I know they say habits die hard, but yours must be invincible." He sits down on the couch beside Angel, defeat writ upon his features. It always ends like this.  
  
"I'm sorry but I don't play well with others. Doesn't mean you should have to be holed up here as well. You should go out, enjoy the scene or whatever."  
  
"And come back to find the rats chewing on your bones? I'd rather not lose my boss." Doyle gives up on making Angel understand the concept of a social life. He hopes that he'll come around in time, reach out to the world. If he doesn't, he's not sure Angel will survive.

Angel thinks working for the Powers isn't that bad all the time. Doesn't pay the rent, but it gives him a purpose. A mission. A place to fit. Doyle starkly disagrees, but that's probably because he gets the blindingly painful visions. Angel doesn't envy him. Slowly, and almost against his will, Angel finds himself becoming friends with Doyle. He can't help it. The fellow Irishman is funny and tries to make him go out in the world, but he doesn't. He can't, because the world is too harsh and cruel.  
  
Angel's not ready to face it yet.When Doyle sacrifices himself to save Angel. Dies in Angel's place, giving him the visions in the process, Angel isn't happy. In fact, he's furious and lonely and sad. He thinks he was supposed to die. That it was his mission, not Doyle's. Doyle was supposed to be the Powers messenger boy, not their fighter. He reminds himself again of how harsh and cruel the world is. Angel knows he can't ever face it again. He doesn't even bother to try.It comes as a surprise when the demon, Barney, shows up. Angel's in the basement, trying to think of a time when he was happy, finding that all his happiness was taken in a flash of light and pain. He tries fighting instead and finds it much more pleasant then his thoughts.  
  
So, when he suddenly smells a demon in his house, his first instinct is to attack. He does. Barney isn't very happy about it.  
  
After the misunderstanding, Barney tells him the problem. That he's being chased and all that. Angel doesn't really care. Keeps on not caring until Barney tells him that moping around isn't going to bring back his friend.  
  
Angel strikes out at him again, demanding how he knows about Doyle. Barney tells him he's an empath demon. Angel's mood gets darker and he still doesn't care.  
  
In the end, it takes a vision for Angel to decide to help. He's not happy about it but figures the Powers have a plan. He still hates them.When he reaches the apartment and Wesley confronts him, Angel actually finds it amusing. Wesley looks like a little kid dressed in big brother's cloths. Angel decides Wesley shouldn't try to be tough, it doesn't suit him. They talk and Angel notices his new attitude. It's different, but not by much.  
  
The Kunghai demon surprises Angel and Wesley both. Angel thinks he's been surprised enough for one day, criticizes himself for not smelling it, and thinks he's losing his touch.  
  
Wesley fights better then he did before. Before he was always getting knocked down and never really getting back up. Now he keeps his feet. Angel is impressed.  
  
But the fight is tough and sickening since the Kunghai isn't giving up, even though it's already weak. It's strong. Too strong.  
  
It takes Wesley from behind, grabs his arm and gives a savage twist and before Angel can blink, the arm is gone with a rip and tear of tendons. The blood is strong and blissfully plentiful. Angel can't help but feel himself drawn to the wound.  
  
With Wesley's scream of pain, Angel comes back to himself in time to see the Watcher go down, breaths shallow.  
  
Angel can't take it. Thinks Wesley is already dead. Thinks to himself that he's let it happen again, that another body has been added to the count. Chides himself for letting it happen again. He hardly sees the Kunghai run off, he's so caught up in his mess of death.  
  
All the victims and bodies race through his mind, Doyle the sharpest and clearest, while Wesley's still on the floor, not moving.Wesley's never quite sure how he gets to the hospital. He likes to think that Angel called them but knows better. Angel had ran, muttering nonsense and looking scared out of his wits. That fright is what makes Wesley afraid for the vampire. In Sunnydale, Angel was never afraid. Atleast, he never let it show.  
  
He finds himself wondering what could have possibly happened to cause Angel to get so bad off. It is his curiosity and concern that force him to seek Angel out after his shoulder mends.  
  
He can't quite get used to the fact that he's now one armed. But he faces it like everything else. Feels his father's words echo in his head: Stiff upper lip. He thinks to himself his father was full of it, but he would never tell him that. Too many bruises taught him that lesson long ago.It takes some time, but Wesley manages to find Angel. He is appalled by what he finds. The office, if that is what it is meant to be, is dusty and filled with clutter. He wonders why Angel hasen't tided it up, always thinking the vampire was rather clean when it came to accommodations. He then realises how silly it is to think that, he hardly knows him.  
  
He finally finds Angel downstairs, in a corner. He's not only in a corner, but huddled up against the wall like it's his only anchor to the world. Wesley finds this more frightening then a scared Angel. Finds he prefers the latter.  
  
He tries to get Angel to move or at the very least say something. It hardly seems to register with him that Wesley is there. All he can get out of Angel are mumbles and phrases that are nonsense. He soothes him as best he can and decides that he's found his mission.Angel thinks that he's finally lost his mind when Wesley shows up. He's fully resigned to face this fact, because he knows Wesley is dead. He died days ago. Or was it months? Yesterday? Years? Angel finds it doesn't matter, that the only thing that does is that he now has a ghost haunting him. He wishes it was Doyle.  
  
The visions are painful but he's felt worse. Thinks that Darla would have probably enjoyed the pain. Wishes she were there as well.  
  
Wesley doesn't leave him though and when Angel tells him that he's a ghost and should go, Wesley just looks bewildered and sympathtic. Angel decides that Ghost Wesley doesn't realise he's a ghost and thus, Angel should make sure to remind him of it.  
  
At first, Ghost Wesley is frightened by the revelations of him being postmortem. Then, he slowly grows to dislike it and berates Angel for his stupidity.  
  
This is always followed by apologies that Angel doesn't understand because ghosts don't apologize. They don't need to. Angel thinks that Wesley is very bad at being a Ghost. Angel thinks there should be more ghosts to keep Wes company. He gets his wish soon after and he then wishes he'd never thought about it at all.  
  
Angel learns to hate ghosts as well. And he's always hated the Powers.Wesley dislikes it when Angel calls him a ghost and tries to reassure him that he is very much real, but in the end his efforts are fruitless. Every time he comes close and Angel finally comes to his senses a little, it's always lost by the next day.  
  
But Wesley doesn't give up. He can't because he has to save Angel. Wesley laughs to himself whenever he thinks about this. Angel is, by far, the last person he would think needs saving. But he does and Wesley can't give up.  
  
So, Wesley finally moves in, lives in a side room that he didn't find until a week after his daily visits.  
  
He's gotten used to his lost arm, finds it a great conversation starter. Of course, if he had normal conversations that is. He doesn't usually think about his solitude very often. His happiness and life aren't up for scrutiny. He has a mission, and that's what is important. So he decides to push his loneliness aside and tries to get Angel back from whatever self imposed hell he's gotten into.The first time Angel sends him off to help someone who was killed years ago is a surreal moment. It makes him see just how bad off Angel really is, even though the rambling, self inflicted wounds and guilt are daily reminders, it never felt real or permanent. He doesn't think about it for long, but always reminds himself of it every time he's sent off to save another victim of Angelus.  
  
It never gets easier.When Wesley helps Charles Gunn he's unaware of how easy it is to talk to him. Or how simple it is to slowly form a friendship with him. It's nice to have a friend and Wesley thinks that life is a little bit better now.  
  
This is torn away from him when the office blows up.He moves Angel to the apartment he had had before he'd moved in to the office. He's thankful that the new renter has just vacated.  
  
It takes time, but Angel slowly heals from the burns and scratches that the explosion gave him. They don't even leave scars. Wesley wonders if vampires can actually scar. He can't remember it being mentioned in any of his books.  
  
Angel's still as bad as before. In fact, he's worse. But Wesley doesn't consider abandoning him. He can't. Not after all that has happened. He doesn't like admitting it to himself, but Wesley knows that he's come to care for the vampire. He thinks it's sympathy and regret for the good man that was lost. He hopes that that is all.The day that Wesley and Charles go over to save the girl at 171 Oak is like all the other countless days. Except that they run into Cordelia. Wesley is mildly shocked, but pleasantly so. It's always nice to see a familiar face.  
  
He doesn't want to mention Angel to her, thinks that Angel wouldn't want her to see him like this. But, in the end, it isn't his choice since Charles mentions it. Wesley promises himself that he won't let something like that happen again.  
  
But he doesn't get the chance. When Cordelia kisses Angel, Wesley is amused by the simplicity of the answer to ease Angel's suffering. Thinks that he should have tried it long ago, if only to help the vampire to cope with everything.  
  
He thinks to himself that if it was that simple to save Angel from madness, he should have been informed. 


End file.
